I looked around the local convenience store at the chips and bread lining the aisles. I figured here was just as good a place as any, so I approached the cashier.
"So... bed bugs are gross, huh?"
The cashier stared at me. "Excuse me?" he said.
Ah, he was playing coy. Getting this info out of him was going to be tough... a game of cat and mouse.
"I said bed bugs... gross right?"
"Yes, I guess so."
He was beginning to sweat, but something told me it wasn't the 90 degree heat and the broken air conditioner... it was regret, remorse, a hidden answer.
"Yeah, real gross... what do you know of them? See them around Jersey?"
"Okay, sir, I'm going to have to ask you to give me those doritos... there's a line."
"So you haven't seen them around Jersey?"
"Well, not in my house but I know that they exist."
Got him. As everyone knows bed bugs are fictional to people who haven't heard of them... just a figment of a nursery rhyme.
"Where do they exist?"
"That'll be $.99 sir."
"Answer my question..."
"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
"I need to see some!"
"George, can you escort this man out? And take back the Doritos..."
"You don't find it strange that the shape of New Jersey looks REMARKABLY SIMILAR TO A BED BUG!"
It didn't really:
...but I had to get him to break. And that must have done it.
"You are crazy sir, George, throw him out."
George did precisely that... but he smelled of gross and of bugs... which wasn't helping Jersey's case.
They say that the craziest man is the one who's closest to God. And my God is truth. So maybe I am crazy... and just on the verge to discovering the truth of these foul creatures.