Thursday, July 23, 2009

The Red Herring - Preliminary Research

As I am a proper journalist, before I went abroad I did some anthropological research:

According to Wikipedia there are three epicenters responsible for the re-emergence of bed bugs: poultry centers in Texas, Arkansas and Delaware. They claim that the bugs then came to New York city because of the vast amount of tourists coming on a day to day basis.

After considering these claims I thought long and hard about their validity, ultimately deciding that these states are red herrings, and could never match up with my theory, nor my evidence to support and prove my theory. Evidence: Bed bugs are gross and so is New Jersey.

Sure Texas is big, but they're very American. Arkansas seems the prime place for bugs to outright take over, but I've heard it's beautiful and Delaware is the first state of the union. I'd expect something cuter to come out of there. Ladybugs perhaps.

No, it had to be Jersey. Bed bugs suck blood from their hosts, much like the Garden State sucks the life blood of it's mother country. Bed bugs normally only come out at night... I'd say the same for any jackass coming out of Hoboken. Finally, Bed bugs are seemingly immortal. I've never been able to kill a Jersey jock... even with DDT.

With these thoughts in mind (and written down in my handy notebook) I began my long trek to the PATH train, and to the center of the bed bug threat.

No comments:

Post a Comment